Precious and Few…

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They look like a butterfly, they sting like a bee… Go figure

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A special tribute…

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When I was a kid I had a sneaky suspicion that my dad was Tom Sellek (they had a startling resemblance…to me anyway).  I was a starry eyed little girl who thought her daddy was amazing in every way.  He could rig up a swimming pool in our back yard with bricks and a tarp, he was always up for McDonald’s french fries and a fruit punch, he loved the beach and…he was Magnum P.I.
He is my cheerleader. I cannot tell you how many long chorus and dance concerts he sat through.  Not to mention the musicals, where I had very minor roles.  He cheered me on when I was the only girl on an all boy soccer team, and I was so very bad. He cheered me on when I played church ball and took me to the batting cages just because it was fun, not because I was really good and needed to develop an amazing talent.  Even though I didn’t have amazing talent, and it was just church ball, he was at every practice and every game with a Diet Coke and sunflower seeds in hand.  He cheered me on when I met my Russ and got married.  He cheered me on when we had kids and cheered us on when we lost our home and came to live with him.  The most wonderful thing now is that he is my children’s cheerleader.
He is the peacemaker of the family.  Evey family has one, the person who can’t stand for any sort of discord in the home…everyone must get along, everyone must love each other.  Sitting above the door frame of my bedroom was a broken yard stick, that my dad would threaten us with.  I don’t know how it broke, but is wasn’t broken over my behind, or my brother’s.  I think it would have killed him to actually hit us.  He was the one who smoothed things over with my mom, for us.  He was the one who stood in between my brothers.  He was the one who gave us countless start overs.  I rarely heard him shout or yell and looking back on those times I realize that he had patience for days.  He is someone who likes to make others happy and he is happiest when his family is happy.
It was a hard thing for me when I realized my dad wasn’t the perfect hero I thought he was.  It wasn’t until I got married and had kids of my own that I realized my dad doesn’t have any real super powers and that he felt and hurt just like me.  He went through challenges and trials just like everyone else.  When you get older and have a real life of your own you are able to see things through different eyes.  My father had his own struggles and things did not always work out how he wanted them to. He gets sad and i like everyone else, and the biggest shocker to me was that he DID NOT have an endless supply of money. :O)
I am not disappointed to find out that my dad is not the perfect man I thought he was. I think of him more today, with my 35 year old brain, than I thought of him, with my 5 year old brain.  He is the sort of brave man that I wish for my children.  The kind of man who provides well for his family, treats his wife like she’s a queen, treats his children like a treasure, and remembered that all good things come from a Heavenly Father.  My children are lucky because they have a father who is the hero I want for my children and I have my father to thank for that.  My father is the most wonderful example of father I could have. I did not pick someone who is exactly like my father, but has enough of his qualities to keep me starry eyed.
Note: This was from my daughter’s blog that I felt was needed here. “I must have made an impression”😏

My heart is empty… but full

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How do you explain and how does it make  sense that the very thing you hated in your life is finally gone, but you sit there wondering why you feel so empty and you actually miss those emotions and feelings that have haunted you everyday for the past few months… go figure
Service to others can take a toll at times on you. Even more so if that someone is a close family member. To live their life and walk in their shoes gives life new meaning and understanding. And that gauntlet can take you to deep dark places you’d rather not be. But you go with no questions asked, determined to make some difference in that lost soul. 

You experience the bad, the angry, the calm, the hope. You see a glimmer of light cg that seems to be growing with each passing moment you spend together, only to fade and disappear. There are many ups and downs along the way but you are resolved to see it through to the end, however long it takes. 

There is hope and peace somewhere in all this. I truly believe the Lord keeps an eye out for you, me, us, if we but turn to him. And turn to him I did. Big time. 

Such has been the last two months of my life as I tried to piece together a precious life. It consumed me, nawed at my bones and literally bugged me to death. I was so involved I couldn’t sleep and thought about this person every waking moment of the day… or so it seemed like.


But today it’s out of my hands. Someone has taken over. Someone to help and continue the loving, the helping and making sure this life has a chance to succeed. It ended just as abruptly as it began leaving me with a hole in my heart and a soul still wanting to know what else can I do. 

Life is so crazy. The very thing you hate and complain about still naws at your heart even when it’s lifted from you. I find myself going back in time wondering why this happened or could I have done it differently. Remembering my feelings , thoughts, actions. My judgements, attitude, complaining. Did I make a difference? I think so. I hope so. 

I have changed. My heart is empty but it’s also full, know what I mean…

She Remembers, Me Too…

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WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 22, 2010
Beginning Again: A daughter remembers,  from her blog to mine.
My first beginning was a good one. I was born to a good mother and father with the sound of the ocean in my ear, sand at my feet and family at my fingertips. I knew nothing but love when I came into this world and love has stayed with me throughout my almost 35 years on this earth.

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I have pictures and scenes from my childhood stored away in a special spot in my mind, saved just for me. Things like playing with the hose and a trash can in our long drive way. Eating a McDonalds breakfast in our car port, after a morning at the beach. Playing hide and seek in my AhPo’s backyard with my cousin. Coming home to hear puppies under our house, and then getting to play with the puppies before we gave them away.

Time seemed slower then. Maybe it was because we lived in Hawaii and the watches everyone wears there run a bit slower than the rest of the world. Maybe it was just because I was a kid, and when you’re a kid you have no one to worry about but yourself and when the next fun thing will come along.

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Waimanalo, Oahu

Early one morning, before the sun was up, my father woke me. He wanted to go fishing. We packed our fishing gear in our Volks Wagon bus and went down to a spot near a pier. Dad put his big fishing rod in the sand and we fished. When you fish on the shore you don’t do very much. Just mostly sit and wait. Nothing spectacular happened and I don’t even remember bringing home a fish, but it is one of my favorite memories. I was four or five at the time and every time, from that morning on, we drove by that little spot by the pier I would remember our morning together. That morning was magic to me. I got to spend the morning with my dad all by myself, without my baby brother. Life was so great at age 4.

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I did not know how magical my childhood was, until I became a mother and started to want for my children what my mother and father gave to me. I did not have fairey friends nor did I have a magic wand that granted me my every desire. The magic came from my family and the importance of family that was ingrained in me from the moment I was born. My AhKung used to say, “your friends will come and go, but family will be all you have in the end.” Well, it was something like that. He was right. He was the head of the family and he made sure we all knew how important family was. He told it to us often and showed us how even more often than he said it.

So fast forward a few years and here I am living at my mom and dad’s house, again, but with my four kids and husband too. Some days I feel so pathetic. How did we end up here? We should be on our own, in our own house, making magical memories for our kids. It’s only for a few months, but it still sucks! Then I remember that we are with family and my childhood magic started with my mom and dad, so maybe I can pass a bit of it onto my kids afterall. Maybe I don’t need a beach and a pier to give them some magical memories. Ugh! I’m so afraid the fondest memories my children will have of me is yelling and nagging at them, of which I do alot of.

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So here at my mom and dad’s I get to begin again. I get to have a second beginning. My children will get to have a second beginning too. I hope one day they will say their beginning was a good one and their childhood was magic too. They were born with sunshine in their eyes, the desert at their feet and family at their finger tips. They have known nothing but love and love will be with them through their entire lives.

 

This was taken from Kanani’s blog  without her permission. So sorry.

 

 

Hero: I still marvel at the miracle of birth…

  This is a repost: “Nine months of hell, a life time of heaven…” I didn’t have a chance to see her little body come into this world. At that time our (old school), doctor still was not letting the husband experience the birth of their child. As I sat in the waiting room for what seemed days, the concern for wife and daughter (or son) was unbearable and the anguish, exhausting. 

Yes, we didn’t know what we were getting, how novel an idea. It was exciting, it was a mystery, it was wonderful, I was a mess. Dr. Saiki comes in and tells me I have a new baby girl and all is well. He was a great doctor, a little on the gruff side but we liked him. His wife was a Hawaii senator and very popular. So, off I go to see my wife and new daughter wondering what life had in store for us. Knowing that this life changing experience would forever leave its mark, it was a big mark, I was a dad. 

As I entered the recovery room, I could see my wife looking as if she has been run over by a mack truck. “Get this kid away from me!” she screamed. I knew she didn’t mean a word of it… probably a  natural reaction. My comments would have been far more expletive I’m sure. I could never be a women, as weak as I am. So, I gave her a big hug and told her how proud I was of her. That didn’t help out much either. “Everyone please leave me alone”, and out the room I went. My job for the moment was done. I gave her some space and she rested… She was my hero.